I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
