I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
