I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
