She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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