oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
