bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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