He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
