Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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