Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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