Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
