i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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