put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
