what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
