I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
