I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
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