did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
