my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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