you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
