Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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