I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He keeps bees of course he's weird
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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