I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
