she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
