I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
