Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
