we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
