I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
