So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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