We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
