how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
