Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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