Already got asked if we're dating
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
