She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
