i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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