She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
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Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
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If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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