Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
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Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
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Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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