So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
