Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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