i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
