I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
