come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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