well you can't waste a boner
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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