I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
