we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I want to be your penis for a week.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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