i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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