spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
