god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
