question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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