I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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