You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
