okay pat passed out under dana's car
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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