Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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