so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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