did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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