I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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