1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
