1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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