i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I looked at my own cervix.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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