I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
