we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
