i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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