To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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