He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
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I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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