she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
