i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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