If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
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My vagina just recognized that song.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
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Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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