I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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