I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
she woke up with a sticky ear
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
