Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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