he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
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