She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
