I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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