I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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