Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
