can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
