bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
