I wish my penis had an off switch
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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