Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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