You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
