bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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